How to message men for a sex date

When it comes to using casual dating website as a woman the rules are very different to men. The challenge becomes to more about elimination than getting attention. Women get attention in droves but getting to find the right person that is a lot harder, that were you need to spend some time.

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Quantity or Quality

The first thing to do is be really sure of your goal. Do you want? To have multiple adventures with different people or just find one or two people that you can have on ongoing “relationship”.  The approach doesn’t need to be different just how picky you can afford to be and what you are looking for.

If you are looking for adventure with multiple different people then you want to grab opportunities when they appear. You can meet multiple people however you still need to make sure you are safe. Either way weeding out the crazy people at the beginning is going to help a lot. Here is our handing guide on how to find the best people whilst avoiding the duds.

Do message first!

You really want to get in the habit of being the person who initiates the conversation. You may get hundreds of messages and I know it scary and you want to know if they fancy first but it really is better to be the first person, it’s almost a strike against someone if they do message you first.

You see men receive very few messages and have to send out a lot, everyone who has sent you a message is likely to be messaging everyone. One key is look for someone who is referencing something specific about you. If they are just sending general messages then you can bet 100 other women have received the exact same message.

What to write in the first message?

It’s not actually important to write a long opening message. You can actually just write something like “Hi”, you see where with your inbox is full of message and people really have to say something in order to make themselves stand out. You are likely to not have much competition. There is a high chance you are the only message.

If you want to make it easier on them you can you can give them a topic of conversation or ask a question. But don’t invest too much time at this point, you just want to select the guys who fit your requirement and drop them a line, so to start with send a short ‘Ping’ message to say the top 10 guys that you like the look of.

Then it’s down to elimination.

Out of the ten people roughly eight of them will respond. Now you still want to get this down to around two to possible meet. Now to start with you can just chat a little, you will be able to figure out from general conversation if you think you would get on with this person. It’s still important that if you are spending time with them that you can at least have a conversation and the best way to gauge this is by messages.

They don’t need to have the same political views as you, read similar books, and make you roll around on the floor laughing.  However they do need to have relatively good communication. It also gives you a chance to pick up on any warning signs such as condescending language or an angry tone.

You can probably eliminate three to four other possible from the list, just by chatting with them.

Next you need to know what that person background is and figure out if you are okay with the situation. Firstly you want to know what their relationship situation is. Are they married, single and playing the field, in an open relationship? Also you need to know what they are looking for, just a throw away fling to fulfil a fetish, try someone out with maybe a view to a long term relationship or do they just not have time for anything serious at the moment.

You wants need to match up. If the two of you want something completely different you can make a real mess and screw someone up if you do not get this straight from the start.

This can be done quite easily though on adult dating sites. Straight up questions:

  • “So what are you looking for?”
  • “What brings you to this site?”
  • “Are you seeing any other people?”

All of these kind of things help you to clarify things. It sounds unromantic, but it’s so important to frank and open when commutating on sex websites.

The big question!

The big question and this is better to be done online, way before you meet in person and I know it sound terrible. But it has to be ask. You must ask this!

When were you last tested!

You need to get a good idea how clean this person is. I know it sounds like this should be done on the date, but by then it may be too late. The excitement of the moment would take over, everyone is getting hot and heavy you’re already on your second wine and you’re getting lost in their deep blue eyes.

You must ask this at this point. Yes you must use protection, yes contraception is a good idea. But making sure your with someone who tested is just as important when sex dating. You too should have been tested recently. If they are seeing other people then it’s even more important that is recent.

If you’ve got a good feeling then it’s time to arrange a public meeting or to talk on the phone. Sex dating requires honest up front. Don’t be scared to talk about dodgy topics and keep the communication flowing.

Have fun, stay safe.